Relationship Rescue 101
Is your relationship or marriage lacking the passion it once had? Are there feelings of unexplainable discontent, or even frustration? Would you be willing to address the issue(s) if you could identify how to get your “groove” back? It is often difficult to try and mend relationships or marriages when both parties feel they are hitting a brick wall with their attempts to rekindle the flames. Hope Byus Coaching LLC can help. As your coach, we are not interested in taking sides but in fact, interested in helping you get to the actions you can take that foster healthier interaction and workable solutions to get the relationship or marriage back on the right track.
The Basics
As your coach, we will help you see things in a different light, and then you will outline ways to help create a more conducive and workable situation where you both can participate positively towards mending the relationship. Once we identify the challenges to your relationship, we will work to identify activities that will open the door to deeper understanding in your relationship and discuss tools you can employ to better face the issues as a team, not as adversaries. If you’ve wondered what you can do on your own to get your relationship back on the right track, here are some things for you to consider.
Confirm Your Commitment to Rescuing the Relationship and Your Shared Values
It is essential to agree on your collective desire to move forward and to agree on the system of values that will define how you treat each other if you decide to mend your relationship. If you have shared values (e.g. transparency, commitment to healthy interaction, respect, safe spaces, etc.) and are committed to the work involved in changing the relationship dynamic, then you are better positioned for success and a fulfilling relationship. When you have agreed on the shared commitment and values, consider celebrating this momentous occasion. The celebration can take one of many forms. It could be an intimate dinner or a ceremony of some sort between the two of you but it should be something you can revisit as you move forward with the process of mending the relationship. You may even want to reaffirm your wedding vows if you’re a married couple.
Another essential point to understand and agree on is that your partner is NOT your adversary or enemy (read that sentence again!). Many times, the partner’s individual wants or needs elevate to a higher level of priority than the shared wants/needs of the couple (i.e., the relationship). In this instance, partners or spouses become adversaries and the result is that someone wins but the other person LOSES. Healthy relationships require prioritizing the collective (couple/marriage) above the individual wants or needs of each partner for the benefit of the shared experience. When the relationship or marriage comes before the individuals and their wants/needs, the individuals can work together (win/win) to resolve the issues. Agree to create and maintain a healthy relationship or marriage by working together to put the shared experience before your individual wants/needs and work together to create the win/win every time!
Make A List of Your Goals for Your Relationship or Marriage
Although it may seem ideal to simply drift along in the relationship without being this intentional, creating a list of shared goals will help to create a stronger bond if both parties list goals they can participate in for the benefit of the collective. The list of goals should include both individual and shared goals that have the purpose of enriching the relationship. Examples of individual goals that could help could be to choose to communicate without accusations or resolving to stop bringing up past wrong doings. Another example would be to listen without interrupting. Shared relationship goals could include periodic date nights, or couples’ activities that are mutually acceptable like shared interests or hobbies.
The Goals
The goal-setting exercise is important as it helps both parties strengthen their relationship by focusing on a shared goals or behaviors that enhance the relationship. It also can help to improve communication and create the desire to help each other in a more conducive manner so that the goals you set can be achieved without undue pressure.
The goals also help to validate each other’s intended contributions to the relationship rescue. Additionally, the goals can be the anchor that keep both parties focused, accountable and committed. Part of the goal-setting process should require both parties to verbalize their dreams and aspirations for the relationship, thus giving each other a clear insight into the workings of their individual mindsets about the relationship.
Creating goals individually and then taking the time to sit down together to try and collaborate in forming a new shared list that will serve each party’s needs comfortably, would be the ideal way to go about the whole exercise of setting your relationship goals. Once this is done, both parties must decide on some sort of timeline that is suitable and realistic in moving towards achieving the goals that are set.
This should include having to periodically revisit the values and mindsets identified to make the goals achievable. This time of sharing can be very enjoyable and enlightening if both parties maintain some level of intimacy and cordiality and do the work necessary to move forward towards a healthier relationship. Being accusatory and overly demanding will not help the exercise of goal setting for the relationship. The act of sharing goals can often bring a couple closer together and keep them more focused on each other throughout the exercise.
Annual Checkup
If you decide to put in the time and effort to rescue your relationship, take the time to measure your progress and create a strategy on how to move forward. Think of your relationship as a team. Every great team reviews how they last performed as they prepare for the next game. Additionally, good teams do research on the next contender they will face so their plan is as effective as possible. Great teams always prepare and review their performance. So should you and your partner as you rescue your relationship and create a healthy, winning team!
Hope Byus Coaching LLC can help
What decision do you need to make that will move you toward your goals? What steps does this decision involve? Without limits, what does a fulfilled life look like for you? Are you excited about your future or are you facing it with apprehension and fear?
For those of you who could use an accountability partner for ongoing support and inspiration, a professional coach can help you to find out what you need and can help inspire you to get there. Our goal is to successfully support you in realizing your full potential and assist in giving your life a new direction.
Our task oriented, collaborative sessions will help you to identify any problems and concerns that stand in the way of achieving your goals, and we will support you in applying the actions I shared earlier. We understand that breakthroughs require growth and growth requires vision followed by consistent action to successfully reach your goals. Book a free discovery session now!
