So Valentine’s day has come and gone once again. You’ve undoubtedly made an impression on your partner in one way or another, so what’s next? Do things go back to “normal”? Are your days full of frustration, anger, resentment, silence and the like? Do you exist in the same space as two separate individuals instead of a united couple? If your Valentine’s Day romance has continued, and will continue into the future, congratulations! Keep it going and enjoy the ride. However, if the romance felt more like a one-night stand, there is hope if both of you are willing to confront your challenges as a team. Having difficult conversations with yourself, and your partner (and in a compassionate way) will likely position you for an epic comeback. You can revive your romance and enjoy a healthier relationship with a few key adjustments in how you interact with each other.

Here are a few secrets to mending and keeping a relationship healthy for the long run:

  Learn to Apologize:

If you make a mistake by doing or saying something that is damaging to the relationship, own it! Say that you're sorry. Apologizing is the first step in mending fractured relationships. Many people struggle with these words, even when they know that what they did was hurtful and wrong. Refusing to apologize continues to damage your partner and the relationship. It also continues to damage you, you just don’t see it! If you’ve offended your partner, be sure to make amends by apologizing and changing your future behavior.

  Forgive and Move Forward:

This is the Hope Byus Coaching take on the adage “forgive and forget”. Forgiveness is golden but forgetting could potentially be foolish. Forgiveness is an action and a choice that is not dependent on the existence of an apology. However, if both an apology and forgiveness are present, it is a prime opportunity for you both to press RESET and begin again. When you forgive an offender, it allows you to clear your conscience and move on to healthier thoughts and emotions. Forgiveness sets the stage for you to evict the thoughts of the offender and the memory of any hurtful acts from your conscience so that you can be set free from the thoughts that cause you pain and stress. You will still have to choose to expel those thoughts and memories for you own emotional well-being, and you may need some level of therapy to successfully do it. Just know that forgiveness allows you to try and move forward together! If you can forgive and move forward, you have a greater chance of mending your relationship. Forgiveness is choosing to not let the hurt continue to hurt you, and it opens the door to recovery and healing.

  Be Your Authentic Self:

Even if you tasked your “personal public relations spokesperson” with representing you in the beginning of your relationship; you know, the person that always puts their best foot forward until the hunt ends and you get the “prize”…if you didn’t show up genuinely in the beginning because you wanted to make a good impression, now may be the time to have a sincere conversation with your partner. Both you and your partner must come to accept your authentic selves; flaws and all. Being phony in your relationship is a con job that cheapens your character and your worth. Trying to be someone or something different than who you really are to please your mate injures you more that you may realize. For a relationship to work, both people need to be their authentic selves and react to each other, and situations naturally.

  Maintain Your Health:

Having a good relationship means having the energy to enjoy getting out and doing things together. To do that, it's important to eat right and get enough sleep. When people are tired, they become easily agitated and short-tempered. For this reason, it is important to get the right amount of sleep. Consistent exercise habits keep your body in shape for being adventurous together so make time for healthy habits.

  Give Compliments:

Be generous, but genuine with compliments. It's very common for people to notice something nice about another person and think about it internally, but never voice it. When in a relationship, compliments are like glue. They hold the couple’s attention and nurture love and respect. Make sure your compliments are genuine!

  Set Realistic Expectations:

No matter how wonderful and flawless your mate seems, no one is perfect. Be careful about putting people on a pedestal, especially in the early stages of your relationship. Ensure that the expectations you have for both your partner and you are realistic. More importantly, when there is a gap between your expectations and the actual outcome, be sure to fill the gap with GRACE instead of resentment and criticism. Whatever you put in the gap between your expectations and the actual outcome is what you are feeding your relationship. Pouring resentment and criticism on your relationship is like pouring bleach on your vegetable garden.

There are going to be differences in opinion between you two, and probably some disagreements as well. However, it is well within your power to maintain a healthy relationship if you choose to employ the strategies discussed above. Learn to disagree without being disagreeable. Sleep more! Apologize, seek forgiveness, forgive, and move forward. Cherish your partner and give your partner a little grace when your partner falls short of your expectations. Your partner is NOT your enemy and if you can find a way to confront your challenges as a team instead of as competitors, you will be well suited for a healthy long-term relationship!