Healthy communication is the key to enjoying a strong, resilient relationship. When you use poor communication techniques, problems will undoubted crop up and threaten your ability for a fulfilling marital, or relational experience. Sometimes, we say things we don’t mean without even realizing it, or we speak out of frustration and anger due to an expectation that was not met. What’s worse, we continue to go about our day, unaware of the fact that we hurt the person we profess to love and cherish.

It is important to let your partner or spouse know when they hurt your feelings so that you both can solve for both the poor communication, and the factor(s) that led to the hurtful encounter. If you let your partner or spouse know that you’ve been hurt by what they said or how they said it, you give them the opportunity to clarify and work towards healing the hurt. More importantly, they may learn your sensitivities, and work towards not causing the hurt again in the future. The two of you may also be able to refine your communication skills together, for the ultimate win!

Here are some different communication styles for your consideration. As you read each one, consider your own communication style.

 Passive Communication Prioritizes the Other Person’s Needs at the Expense of Their Own

Passive communicators often look down or away and therefore have poor eye contact while speaking. They do not express their needs or wants well and tend to be soft spoken or quiet and often invite others to take advantage of them or the situation.

 Aggressive communication seeks only to prioritize the needs of the speaker.

No one else’s needs matter. Aggressive communicators are easily frustrated, loud and overbearing. They often communicate using criticism and are often disrespectful in their delivery. They tend to be unwilling to compromise, interrupt the speaker, and don’t listen well (they listen to respond instead of listening to hear and understand).

 Assertive Communication equitably emphasizes both people’s needs.

Assertive communicators listen without interruption, as opposed to listening for the sole purpose of shooting down the points their partner is attempting to share. They stand up for their own feelings positions and use a respectful tone. The also display confident body language and maintain eye contact. Finally, assertive communicators are willing to compromise to arrive at resolution.

As you continue to think about what you say and how you say it, try some of these steps to healthy communication:

 1.    Take a breath and remain calm, even in difficult situations.

 2.    Express your feelings in words instead of actions.

 3.    No finger pointing, as you express your feelings, use “I” statements to share your hurt feelings.

 4.    Don’t draw the proverbial line in the sand or you just may create a win-lose dynamic.

 5.    Create a win-win by overcoming your challenges as a team instead of as adversaries.